by Patrick Evans
Every year, we tune in to watch our favorite Christmas specials and movies. But the heroes tend to be bland and inoffensive, allowing the villains to shine through. Here are the greatest villains on your TV this holiday season.
- Heat Miser from The Year Without a Santa Claus: The way more unlikable Miser brother acts as the chief impediment to convincing Santa that children still believe in him when he refuses to let there be snow in Southtown, USA. This disgraceful hot-headed behavior, while making outrageous demands of a day of spring at the North Pole, only means he is the chief catalyst of climate change.
- Scrooge from Scrooge: When your opening number is about how you hate people and Christmas and if poor people die they better do it quickly to decrease the surplus population, you know you’re committed to the whole Christmas villain schtick. But Scrooge throws it away at the end and becomes a big Christmas fanboy after having a few hallucinations. He still gets points for his many years of bah humbugging.
- Granville Sawyer from Miracle on 34th Street: As the psychologist for the Macy’s Corporation, Sawyer made it his goal to get Kris Kringle fired as a mall Santa and institutionalized. But he didn’t stop there, telling a teenage worker who enjoyed working with children that he was a human wreck. Unfortunately for Sawyer, he imploded in spectacular fashion when he got fired from his job and Kris was vindicated. We can assume he is the corporation psychologist for Amazon as Jeff Bezos prepares to take over the North Pole.
- The Grinch from How the Grinch Stole Christmas!: The malevolent fifty-three-year-old hermit who has had enough of all the feasts, noise and singing of the obnoxious Whos down in Whoville comes up short on the list, but not for lack of trying. Taking away such a great Christmas such as they have in Whoville is the ultimate caper. Ocean’s Eleven has nothing on the greatness the Grinch possesses. Unfortunately, his heart grew three sizes because he got tricked by the singing put up by the Whos. Boo Who.
- Burgermeister Meisterburger from Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town: The best Christmas special villain is the Burgermeister. Wielding absolute power, the Burgermeister bans and destroys all toys in Sombertown, arrests Kris Kringle and his accomplices, and forces them to flee into exile. The Burgermeister never compromises his ideals, and only the slow decay of time ends his long and mighty rule. We salute you, sir, for taking up this difficult responsibility!
The Bürgermeister Meisterburger never backs down from his mission of eradicating toys from society. (Photo Courtesy of The Legal Geeks)